My saddest loss, I count a greater gain

I was a patient at your facility from 10 November, 2011 through 15 November, 2011.

While I found much of what you have to offer to be sadly lacking (this, be assured, I will address under separate cover), I did follow up on an exercise recommended by the nurse who saw me on 11-11-2011, whose name I can't recall.

The (female) nurse recommended to me that I make a "grief chart" of all that I had lost in my life.

This I did this afternoon, with the most remarkable result occurring, which I would really appreciate if you could share with her, because I suspect your staff does not get a whole lot of positive feed back from clients on the mental health ward (feel free to share it with anyone else you wish to, especially on that ward).

For every loss I recorded, I was blessed with an even greater gain, and to see this, on paper, is truly a revelation.

My sincere thanks to that kind nurse for listening to me well enough to make it worth my while to follow up and complete her recommended exercise. This is, in fact, an incredible revelation which I shall be sharing on several of my blogs, and with my facebook Power of Prayer (an invitation only intercessory prayer) Group.

Sincerely,

Mark Raymond Ganzer


LOSSES:

My dog spot died when I was 10. I cried like a baby for hours. I lost spot, I gained humanity.

My Uncle Jim died when I was 17. I did not cry for 15 years. I lost Jim, I gained the knowledge that my country routinely fights unnecessary wars, that our soldiers have all died in vain in EVERY war we've fought, at least since WWII, and that I must oppose with every fiber of my being all present and future "wars of choice" in which we invariably pick on a helpless nation with natural resources or geopolitical significance to continue our imperialist, murdering, maurading ways.

I lost a number of girl friends that broke up with me - almost invariably, I have gained their friendship and kept their admiration for my gentle kindness and listening ear, and have come to realize that these are gifts that I can give freely, and that I not only ought to, but that I must.

I lost my innocence; I gained a healthy skepticism.

I lost my virginity; I gained an insight into incredibly selfish motivation.

I lost my grand parents; I gained insights into their short comings, and even (for one in particular) mean-spiritedness -- I gained the reinforcement needed to assure that I will not be mean-spirited (which does not mean that I will not raise hackles; truth tellers are rarely appreciated by those of whom the truth is being revealed).

I lost a job which encompassed my identity; I gained a new identity that did not rest on the coat tails of another person, place or thing.

I lost an extremely lucrative career, and gained the knowledge and wisdom to know that it is better to virtually starve doing something you love than to live very well doing something that conflicts in a major way with your ideals, goals, and values.

I lost a house - and lost all of the heart aches such things bring; it never would have been a home - so I gained the ability to be the authentic me and delight in the consequences rather than to be inauthentic, grit my teeth, churn my stomach, and bear it.

I lost the friendship and respect of many people who did not appreciate the various stages of my metamorphisis - I gained the knowledge of the identity of my truest friends, who stuck with me and supported me in my hours of rebellion and soul-searching; I gained back the time I had wasted trying to please those who only saw me as someone with a lot to offer at a cheap price who now will have nothing to do with me.

I lost my entire family (at one time or another) and gained an even larger group of communities into which I am respected and admired, but also called to task for the foolishnesses I still commit.

I lost my son -- but he gave up on me, and thus, having given him the best father I could have been, leave him with those lessons. My job of raising him is long since finished; I have done it well, and he will be able to survive and thrive the rest of his life.

I lost my mother to death - but gained the knowledge that she lives, just elsewhere, in a different form.

I lost access to the church I was confirmed in and a member of for 47 years; I gained 5 churches and one mosque where I am loved, respected, and cherished for my volunteer efforts.

In each and every instance, what I lost was replaced by so much more; by so much more.